Sometimes, it's impossible to forgive a trespass.

I have an ex-friend who seems to desperately want to make amends for past behavior. And to be honest, he seems to have turned his life around and become a decent and caring human who is genuinely trying to make amends to the people he hurt.

I have not forgiven him. I cannot. The last I spoke with him, the best I could offer him was that the best way to make amends is to stay completely out of my life.

He has respected that, but I could tell my words hurt. I wasn't mean about it. I just laid it out. I don't want you in my life. The past is too long and too hurtful. I can neither forgive nor forget.

This bothers me on some level. I'm normally a fairly forgiving person. This was a trail of abuses over a period of years. I can let him go, but I can't let the things go.

I often wonder if this makes me the monster, since he does appear to be genuine? Or am I just protecting myself?

I have no good answers, but you wrote a very thoughtful piece!